I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
