is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
