Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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