K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
