Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
