I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
