Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
