hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it's like iHOP with fire
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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