theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
