I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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