So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
