she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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