i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
