I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
