it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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