ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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