you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
