you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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