He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
should my penis look like a turkey
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
