i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
