There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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