areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize