I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize