Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
