his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize