So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
