I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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