i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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