I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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