Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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