Me. At least after what I've been through.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
