Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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