i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
