i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
