I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
bring money and cleavage
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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