Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
