ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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