Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
