Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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