the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
