Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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