false alarm. still invincible.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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