Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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