where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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