i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
