I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The adults are the big ones right?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
