The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
