Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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