look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
