Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
