I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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