The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
