i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
