If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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