I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
