Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
