morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
