exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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