Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
tell me about the eggs
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
