Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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