new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
