Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
