none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I AM VODKA MAN
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
